2 years after

2 years ago I woke after my jaw surgery, woozy, in pain, and unsure of how I would heal or if all the buildup and struggle would be worth it.  Those next few month, weren’t easy (see my old posts for details), but here I am 2 years later. . .

 

It has been a busy couple years, so I’d love to say I forgot all about this surgery and put it all behind me, but I do still feel the effects. I continue to be migraine free…its amazing!!  I do still have a numb lower lip and if I forget sometime I’ll drool a little out of the left side (but most people are too polite to point it out :-P ).  I can chew just about anything I want!! Appearance-wise I don’t really see much of a difference pre-surgery and today, except for when I’ll catch a half-profile view of myself in a mirror and feel that I look different somehow, but it is hard to put my finger on what exactly. The physical jaw pain is better, still there, but so much better!  I only wear metal retainers a few nights a week… I still shudder at the thought of braces.

Are you considering this surgery?  Would I recommend that you do it?  That’s entirely up to you and your dental/medical team. It was a tough journey that I would not recommend you take lightly.

Would I do it again? … It’d be very challenging to convince me to go through all of that for a second round. But I’m glad I did it the once.  I do believe that it was worth every step of it to have the results that I have now.  I was in a lot of chronic pain and now I’m not.  I hopefully have many years ahead of me now full of eating, talking, laughing, and eating  J


Here are my pre-surgery and 2 years post- surgery comparison shots...




Top: pre surgery 1/2015. Bottom: 2 years later 1/2017

And that’s it for me... I’m signing off of this blog.  Feel free to comment or message me privately if you have any questions!!!

Day 56: 8 weeks out!

Has it really been 2 months since my surgery?!?  In some ways it feels like it was awhile ago and shouldn't I be all better by now? and in other ways it feels like it was just a few days ago! So here is the run down in Things That are Different today than 2 months and 1 day ago:

• My Bite:  Good news is that when I press my teeth together they impact on both sides of my mouth in multiple locations AT THE SAME TIME!  Prior to surgery, I had exactly 3 teeth that contacted on my right side and that was it.  It still feels a little right side dominant and my front teeth still have an overbite, but that is why I will still be in orthodontics for another 6 months to make it all perfect! :)
• Sensation: Majority of the sensation around my nose and upper lip has returned, weirdly my upper gums are still numb, but that really has no impact on my life!  The sensation in lower right lip and chin has begun to return, but the lower left side of my lip and my chin are still numb. It feels like its cold all the time and when I speak for more than a minute I get a phantom drooling feeling along that left lower side. It makes me feel very self conscious and I am constantly wiping along my left chin just in case! The inside of my cheeks are still a little numb superficially, which means I still have a tendency to bite them since I can't feel them initially (until I bite and then I feel it!)
• Pain: The crazy muscles spasms have decreased to sudden 5/10 pain along the left masseter only, but only last about 10secs. The spasms also only happen when I've been talking for awhile or at the end of my day, so they are more of a nuisance now instead of an inconvenience that stops me in my tracks.  I also would describe my normal day to have an achy pain of 3/10 all the way along my mandible. I am still taking some Aleve about every other day and I catch myself massaging it unconsciously when I have a spare moment, but it does not stop me from moving along with my day. 
• Hygiene: I am brushing my teeth like a pro again! Flossing is still challenging since I can't quite open my mouth wide enough (see below), which makes it particularly hard with the threader floss needed to go around my braces.  It probably takes me 20 mins and some pain medication to do a full flossing job!
• Movement:  This is my real current frustration. I am not making the anticipated progress as I (and Dr. M) would expect by 8 weeks.  My vertical opening is only 23mm which is not the "2 fingers width" Dr M wanted me to have at this point. I am not limited by pain, but by muscle tightness. I cannot physically seem to stretch my mouth open any further.  I have another 2 weeks until I see Dr M again to continue working on my own, but I am thinking I may really need to go see a Physical Therapist who specializes in the TMJ to help me out.
• Diet: Improved! Just this weekend I ate some Mac & Cheese my sister made for me and then my husband made me pancakes! So I am officially onto Soft diet foods! I can't express to you how frustrating a liquid diet has been, but I can tell you a good blender is truly priceless. Anyways my diet is still restricted by a couple things 
• 1. Vertical opening: I still have to take small bites from the end of spoon. Yesterday I thought I would try to bite through a banana (just to see) and I couldn't open my mouth wide enough to even pretend to take a bite. 
• 2. Tooth sensitivity: Probably from the orthodontic work, some teeth get really sensitive to pressure and cannot tolerate the amount of pressure from a not quite soggy Cheerio = pain.  
• 3. Strength: My jaw muscles are still too weak to apply enough pressure to bite through a cheese stick! (not that it keeps me from trying daily ;)
• Exercise: Improving!  I am not where I was pre-op,but strength gains take awhile so that will come back with time. Running is still a little tough to tolerate as it just feels so jarring in my cheeks, so I tried swimming this weekend. Swimming didn't bother my face at all! But I am still aerobically deconditioned regardless of the activity, which also will just take a little more time.
• Aesthetics: Pics below. I am still worried that the left-side looks so...uneven, and my smile looks funny to me, but I will give it another 4 weeks before I get really vain about it.  I do still continue to wake up in the morning feel more swollen than I did when I went to bed, so that must be a sign that there is still some lymphedema that has not resolved yet.

How's that for a nice long update? :)

Day 45: One miler

Just for y'all, a sweaty gym selfie! ;)

I have tried to run a handful of times since the Doc cleared me, however running has been painful. With every step I can feel the swelling bouncing in my cheeks and the pressure builds up my jaw and then into my cheekbones gradually building up the pain scale.  Earlier this week I pushed myself to do just 5 minutes on the treadmill. I had to really push myself to make it that long and I felt more sore afterwards.

So today I decided to up my run to 6 mins, but a good song came on and I was able to keep going for 1 mile (11-12 mins)! Compared to how easy it was to run multiple miles before surgery one (slow) mile is nothing, but compared to how agonizing running was earlier this week... I feel accomplished! I feel like it was another milestone forward, which really cheered me up after having a particularly a sore and high pain day yesterday (the new wires, chains, & rubber band placements beat me up!)

Day 43: I'm back...

Because the surgeon was so kind as to take the splint out yesterday, today I got to go back to the Orthodontist.  I think these 6 weeks is (at least close to) my longest gap in orthodontist visits since I started with him 2.5 years ago!

I was really relieved to hear Dr R. say that everything looks good, I mean I picked my maxillofacial surgeon pretty much on his recommendation alone!  He said that he thinks I have about 6 months of work to be done and then I'll get my braces out! I'm super excited, but I know that my "6 month" splint took me 9 months, so I won't mark a date on my calendar, but it is still exciting to hear that there's a chance I'll have my braces off in the fall!

So first visit post-op, the orthodontist fixed the bracket that was broken during surgery (by the way the ceramic brackets do NOT come off easy!), he changed the wires and added a chain on both the upper and lower teeth (the silvery looking bands that go around each of the brackets in the picture), he also changed the band placement from how I've been wearing them.  The rubber bands definitely add more pressure and make it harder to open my mouth = harder to speak.  I do get to take off the rubber bands to eat, stretch, and to brush my teeth. Which reminds me I was able to floss today! Oh my goodness, until you go through this process you have no idea the joy involved in flossing your teeth and getting that true clean feeling.  For those of you out there not having this surgery, do me a favor and give your teeth a little extra TLC tonight and try to appreciate how easy it is to do things like opening your mouth wide enough to be able to brush and floss even those back molars easily. Then take a moment and appreciate just how clean it all feels... :)

Day 28: Good Hygiene

One of the things Dr. M commented on yesterday was that I had good hygiene.  *pats myself on the back*  But seriously! I asked him, how can I possibly have good hygiene?   The insides of my teeth haven't seen a toothbrush in 4 weeks!  Never mind "daily flossing!"  He laughed and said it was normal and I was doing fine. 

I do brush the outsides of my teeth several times a day with the smallest baby toothbrush I could find (it has Snoopy on it! :) and I use mouthwash like it is going out of style!  But I am constantly worried that I have bad breath and that the fuzziness on the insides of my teeth is going to take over...

Why am I telling you about all this loveliness? So that you can maybe appreciate just a slight bit of the joy I felt today when I brushed my teeth with the elastics off.  I could open my mouth (just 1 cm) and some of the bristles reached the inside of my upper teeth...oooh cleanliness! The bottom teeth were jealous, but when I tried to angle the bristles over the lower teeth my jaw cramped up and said that was enough of that! So only a few teeth got just slightly cleaner, but it made me feel so good for a moment.  I bet you've never thought that brushing and flossing were a privilege!

Day 27: 4 week appointment!

It feels incrementally slow that I am only 4 weeks post-op, but everything (the pain) is still so acute at moments that I am surprised that it has already been 4 weeks.

• Dr. M is still happy with the alignment and the bite. (yay! nothing has shifted!)
• He is concerned about the muscle spasms I am still having along both my masseters. He wants me to give it a few more days and if I am still having those sharp 9/10 pains he wants to prescribe a topical compound analgesic vs. the muscle relaxers (that I can't take because I am working).  He also left the 3oz rubber bands on for now, although he said he would really like to get me back on the 6ozs once the muscle spasms stop!
• All the pain around my upper lip and nose is normal.  I didn't realize it before, but he actually cut my nasal spine during the surgery. (see the purple area in the picture)
• Good News: I can start taking off the bands and passively stretching my mouth open vertically a few times through the day. The goal is to be able to fit 2 fingers-width between my teeth by 8 weeks.
• Better News: I can take off the bands to eat!!!  (Now this is not an immediate food gratification moment as I still can't really open my mouth wide and I have no jaw strength to chew, but it does mean that I am on the path toward semi-solid food!) 
• Even Better News: If everything keeps progressing, he will take the splint out in 2 weeks!!!

Below you can see my 4-week post-op selfies.  I feel like my jawline is stronger than it was pre-op and my cheekbones have definitely re-emerged.  I do still have some swelling under my eyes, around my nose and upper lip.  As you can tell my smile is still awkward, that's partially from the swelling, partially from the current nerve paralysis (similar to Botox), and partly because I am just awkward ;)

Day 25: Spoons

By now you all have an idea how I am struggling with food and feeding myself.  Monday will make 4 weeks of a liquid diet and I have so far manged to keep my weight loss to 14 lbs.  I have started to use a calorie counter to count up my calories and make sure I am eating enough....a complete reversal of what I was doing 3 years ago! With working this week I have only managed to eat about 800 calories a day. This is not a healthy a number for any adult, never mind one who is trying to heal nice strong bones!  I know this, but it is a struggle to eat when I can only consume thinner liquids through a cup or straw and moderately thick liquids with the use of a syringe. (Not to mention how nothing liquified looks appetizing!)

But today I received an order from amazon.com that marks a win in my eating column!  I have tried to find spoons that would enable me to fit something between the small opening I can make in my mouth  without much success (see previous entry on Eggs).  A normal teaspoon is too wide and too deep to fit into my mouth.  The first baby spoons I bought were coated in rubber making them too deep to fit into the opening.  The toddler spoons I bought were shallow, but too wide to fit between the bands on my teeth.  So I spent some time scouring amazon.com for something that might work.  I couldn't find any simplified baby spoons (crazy!), so I thought of gellato spoons (these you can order in packs of 500 and will ship in 4-5 weeks...too late for me, but might work for someone who thought ahead!) and from there I found Espresso Paddles! The product reviewers actually commented that they were even smaller in person...perfect!  You can see in the picture below that they really are small and shallow, not much too them at all.  BUT with those "paddles" I just ate some hummus and then a little mashed avocado! Both hummus and avocado were sticky enough that I could turn the paddle upside-down in my mouth so that I could drop the food into/use my tongue to eat (remember I have a splint covering the roof of my mouth immediately behind my teeth).  Its still slow going, but oh to eat something semi-solid!

Paddle, Baby Spoon, Toddler Spoon, & Normal Teaspoon

Monday is my 4-week follow-up with Dr. M. and I have a couple of hopes:
#1 Is that I am healing up appropriately (obviously)
#2  I am really hoping he lets me take these bands off for at least a few hours per day to eat (I'm really all about the food)

Day 25

#3 I'm also curious to hear what he says about the swelling around the middle of my face and when it typically resolves.  I no longer see a complete stranger when I look in the mirror, but I still look funny to myself and I feel just a bit surprised when I catch my own reflection and it's not quite right to me.

Day 23: Eggs!

I was a little desperate for solid food this morning so I thought I would give scrambled eggs a try.  Have you ever fed a baby who has just transitioned from milk to food?  They have no idea how to get food into their mouths from the spoon and haven't coordinating opening lips & gums -> closing  -> swallowing.  Well that's about how I looked this morning!  I even had a mirror so that I could aim for the tiny opening my teeth could make, but most of the eggs ended up mashed on the outside of my braces, all over my lips, and of course on the floor. (My dog loved the food on the floor and I think he may have actually eaten more of the eggs than I did.)  Of the little bit that I managed to get inside my mouth, I swallowed it whole, no chewing yet (!).  Overall I probably ate somewhere between 0.5 -1 whole egg and it took me about 25 mins to manage that much! So it wasn't much a nutritional win and it made my jaw really sore to fight against those rubber bands for that long, but I feel like it was a psychological win.  I won't try that again for a few days at least, but it made me feel better knowing that I could manage a little something semi-solid.

I am still making it through the work week.  One of the hardest things is still the amount of talking I do. I knew I talked a lot, but I REALLY talk a lot.  I am so happy when I get 5 mins between patients and can just sit and be quiet.   I am also finding it difficult to eat at work.  I have been drinking about 3 protein shakes throughout the day, but I always feel hungry.  Yesterday I brought in a pre-blended soup and sat in one of our back treatment rooms and syringed it into my mouth (that's something no one wants to see or hear!).  I felt a little more satisfied, but unfortunately having that time and space is not always an option.  One more day until the weekend!

Day 20: Back to Work

I'm not going to lie to you, I was pretty apprehensive about returning to work today. I mean, I still talk funny, I smile weird, I feel like I don't look like myself, and I have very low endurance to activity. Also important to consider is my job typical involves being on my feet 8-9 hrs, doing actual sports exercises, and talking to kids and their parents. I absolutely love my job and today was the very first time I was dreading going in.
 

Day 20: Left side still swollen.

But I made it through!  I did take advantage of our hot packs every chance I had and I tried to rest a few minutes whenever I could. I am grateful that I have a supportive work team that did their best to mitigate my workload today, but it was still a hard and exhausting day.  The good news is that most of the kids understood me, but I did feel bad for my one evaluation today, normally I do a lot more talking and explaining, but today I kept it as short as possible. Despite trying to keep my talking to a minimum, this was probably the most conversation I've had since my surgery and my jaw is screaming at me right now. I walked in my door tonight and immediately took a muscle relaxer pill, hopefully it kicks in soon and I'll drift off to sleep.  I suspect, as exhausted as I feel through my whole body, that I am going to have my first great night's sleep tonight in 3 weeks!

As a side note: I am so grateful to Dr. M for making me take that 3rd week off. I can't imagine doing all that I did today with where I was at health-wise a week ago.  If anyone out there is having this surgery, seriously consider taking off as much time as your surgeon recommends!

Day 13: Part II- Follow-up appmt

Dr. M. instructed me to wait until Monday to return to work.  I have a little mixed feelings about it.  I feel like I must have messed up somewhere that my recovery is taking longer than I wanted it to.   But to be honest, I’m also a little relieved since my face is still swollen, my speech is so impaired, and I’m so tired all the time…  (He did seem surprised at how swollen I still am... he told me that I look like Cindy-Lou Who)

I also told him about the sharp muscle spasms. He wrote me a prescription for a non-narcotic pain medicine, decreased the resistance on my rubber bands (from 6 oz to 3 oz), and told me that if it is not better in a few days he’ll write me a prescription for a muscle relaxant.

Otherwise, he is still happy with my bite and how quickly the bruising is fading.  

Left profile shot; you can see a more defined jaw line!

He also told me that I can start chewing soft foods any time I want!  I think he meant this as a little joke since my teeth can only open mere millimeters apart and there is not a chance of anything non-liquid fitting between them.  But it is nice to know that I have his clearance as soon as I think its worth an attempt.  In the meantime I have some blended (to a lovely liquid consistency) chili con carne for dinner… you know your’re jealous!

Day 10: Almost a Smile

I decided not to let today get the best of me so I woke up, showered, put some mascara on, and did not put my hair in a ponytail.  Tom and I were going to try to see a movie (figured it would be a relaxed outing), but we missed the movie showing so we just walked around the bookstore a bit. I still tired more quickly than I hoped for, but it was nice to get outside of the house.

almost a smile!

It is so bizarre to have lost proprioception and sensation in my lips.  They feel like they are ice-cold all the time, when really it is just numbness.  I've been working on my face exercises and have found that if I slow down and focus on my lips I can enunciate a little better. And along with slightly improved speech, I was working in the mirror and found that I could almost smile.  The left side of my face is still rather swollen though which makes most of my facial expressions odd and...lumpy? Regardless of the proper adjective I'm afraid that I may still scare the kids at work...

Status Update:
Pain: 6/10 (trying to take as little narcotics as possible)
Nausea: gone!
Drooling: improving with muscle control
Eating: still just through syringes and with small sips from dixie cups
Fatigue: High
 

Day 9

Today was another rough one, I didn't see much progress and I just felt exhausted all day.  My jaw really, really aches. Just a constant, gnawing ache that isn't relieved with warmed up facecloths or cold ice packs. Looking down to work on my puzzle or read just increases the pressure in my face and makes it all the worse. Tom also seemed to have more trouble understanding me today, maybe I was mumbling more from the effort? But because of all this, I called work today and told them that I would not be ready to return at my exact 2 week date of this coming Tuesday, but that I will still shoot for the end of next week.  They knew this was a possibility, but I still feel like I let them down. I know it is silly in that I can't control how quickly I heal, but never the less I know that they will now need to scramble to cover my patient load and I hate inconveniencing others.

One bright spot in my day was my sweet husband who spent time with me and made me an amazing peanut butter ice cream milkshake (with some protein powder thrown in) for lots of calories!

Day 6: Surgeon Visit

 I had my 6 day follow-up appointment with the Surgeon today.  And I asked a few more questions about what he did for the operation.

• My mandible was brought forward 9.98mm 
• My maxillae was brought forward between 4-6mm on each side and the cant was corrected.
• The longer ramus was cut and angled to shorten the impact in the TMJ and correct the asymmetry.

Of course I wont be able to visualize these changes myself until the swelling goes down, but, overall Dr. M. was happy with the progress!  My midlines look a little off to me but he says that anything under a millimeter is negligible and they are less of landmark than the fact that my cuspids are lined up perfectly!!

Metal Mouth!!!

What else was there... oh I (only!) have two rubber bands that need to stay on my teeth all the time (this will help guide the jaw as it heals).  I was imaging a complex mesh-work of bands that clamped my teeth tight, but it is not that bad...

He told me that I need to switch from icing all the time to hot packs to assist the lymphatic drainage.
I also asked about using a straw, since it seems to be a huge no-no for many similar surgeries (negative pressure tearing up stitches), but he says that it is completely safe for me to use a straw.  I was so excited that we went straight to Tropical Smoothie from our appointment.  I stuck the straw into the smoothie aannndd nothing happened, my lips are too swollen to form a seal around the straw...ggrrr!

Overall

Pain: I ran out of pain meds before my appointment today and it increased to a 7/10 :(

Nausea: 0/10 (haven't taken a anti-emetic pill for 36 hrs!)

Exhaustion: pretty high

Main Frustrations: Drooling, numbness, fatigue, slow eating

Fresh juiced breakfast!

T-1: Eeeek!

I woke up at 06:00 this morning in a panic that today was the day of my surgery and I had missed my 05:30 check-in time!  Unfortunately, this does not bode well for a restful night of sleep tonight!

Obviously I am nervous about tomorrow, so I just used about half of my lunch break to run a couple miles and knock out a quick ab-workout.  Endorphins vs Cortisol aaand...GO!   I have no idea when the next time is that I will be able to go for a run.  I know that I am restricted to lifting < 24lbs for 4-5weeks so not sure how that will translate to ground reaction/impact forces...  Regardless, I'm sure I will have some major re-conditioning work ahead of me once I'm cleared!

Also I ate just about EVERYTHING yesterday.  My friends & family brought the most food I think I have seen anywhere!  I feasted until I was sick and then ate some more!  I really ought to step on a scale before surgery tomorrow just to have a baseline #.  I think I've succeeded on putting on between 5-7 lbs since early December which should make the 10% body weight loss less obvious :)

T-2: Party Time!

Today is going to be an awesome day!

Last night before bed my phone white-screened, As I was falling asleep I was trying to plot out a time to make it to the AT&T store, but this morning I plugged it into my computer and it turned on. HUZZAH! (I'm backing it up right now!)

Today is also going to be an awesome day because today, I am hosting a food binge party!  My dear friends are coming over and bringing the one food/dish that they would miss the most if they could not eat solid foods. So its a funny twist on a potluck, but this way I  have no food regrets and even more importantly I get to party with my friends.  ( I think it might be awhile after this!) I'm so excited to see everyone!

(update)
How can a girl possible be upset about what's ahead when she has awesome friends like this right now? :)

T-3: Getting all Pretty

3 days, oh boy!

I can't describe the mix of emotions I am feeling except to say just about every definition of anxiety covers it.  I am anxious to get this over with and move on with my life.  I am nervous about the recovery and the difficulties I will have over the next 6 months.  I am frustrated at the lack of control I will have in the next 2 weeks. I am excited to have an improved jaw/mouth and leave much of my chronic pain nothing but a distant memory.  I am exhausted, as the worrying is actually waking me up in the middle of the night and doesn't let me go back to sleep. Finally I am still hopeful that many of the blogs I have read exaggerated the difficulty of recovery and I will skate through this like its nothing.

But tonight, I get an amazing date night with my fabulous husband.  We received (incredible!) tickets to a musical for tonight as a Christmas present. So I am getting all dressed up and feeling as pretty as possible, for what will probably be the last time in awhile... and I am hoping that my husband can hold on to that image when he's taking care of the drooling, sloppy mess I'm about to become.

T-5: Hooks!

I feel like I need to start with a quote from Captain Hook, but I couldn't find the perfect one, so on to my status update...

I started my morning headed to the hospital (it was an eerie foreshadow of next week).  Where I submitted several vials of blood for testing to clear me for anesthesia and I guess to gain final clearance for surgery... hope my blood tests well!    

Then it was straight to the orthodontist. Dr. R and his amazing technician Hope were awesome as usual.  They both did their best to put me at ease and reassure me that it was not really going to be as bad as all that.  Well, at least they were honest and told me that it wasn't going to be a fun experience, but that it was something that I was not going to regret.  Dr. R told me that he has never had anyone come back from this surgery (with my surgeon) and regret the results.  He did say that some people have even told him it wasn't as bad as having their wisdom teeth pulled. (yea right!)
They then added the surgical hooks on to my wires for the rubber bands.. Why you ask, did they add more metal onto my teeth to jab into my cheeks and cut up the inside of my mouth just days before my surgery?  Well as the surgeon will not actually hardwire me shut after the operation, these are used instead to put lots of rubber bands on all these tiny hooks and keep me from opening my mouth too wide and screwing up all the surgeon's hard work.


Up close picture of my teeth, you can see the hooks.
They are the extra bit of metal posts between each of the teeth.

And that is hopefully it for the pre-op doctor visits!  My remaining plan is to continue eating as much as I feel like for the next few days. I do feel a smidge guilty about this with my work colleagues on their New Years Resolution diets eating itty bitty salads for lunch while I scarf pizza in front of them...whoops!

T-6 : Pre-Op Surgeon Visit

So Tom & I met with my surgeon today. I forgot just how laid back he was about everything!  He's been doing maxillofacial surgery for about 35 years and he pretty much told me that this was a "routine"  surgery. (ha!) But he definitely calmed me down on some of my worries. 

I have probably read about 15 blogs from other people who have had double jaw surgery so I had a big list of questions and concerns from some of their rough patches with their surgeries & recoveries. And to many things that were so urgent and awful to [other people in] their blogs, my surgeon said "no problem." Some of them were...

• "So I can't drink out of straw?" - Sure you can.
• "So I can't blow my nose?" - Sure you can, just keep your mouth open when you blow your nose, sneeze or cough.
• "How swollen will I get?'  - I'll be able to tell you after the surgery, but it will increase after your leave the hospital. 
• "When will I be able to talk." -As soon as you wake up after surgery.
• "When will I be able to run again?" -As soon as you can tolerate it.
• "Will I have one of those awful splints wired into my mouth?" - Yes, but it isn't that invasive.  (I'm not sure about this one though, a lot of other people who had this surgery said this was the worst part and their best day when it came out.)

He also gave me a super fun looking book called Dinner Through a Straw; A Handbook for Maxillary Trauma.  I'll let you know if there are any good highlights! 

 

And then one of my biggest worries about this appointment...he then showed me a computer rendition of what my facial profile will/might look like after the swelling goes down.  And I have to say it  was AWFUL! It made me look like a Bulldog. (which as Tom gleefully pointed out is technically my high school mascot, making me already a bulldog...it was a well timed joke and cut off my anxiety).  So I'm choosing to pretend that I never saw that terrible picture and we'll just see what comes out at the end of all of this!

Tomorrow I get my pre-op labs done for the hospital and then go to the orthodontist for the last time before surgery to get my surgical hooks applied to my braces...more wires! It feels like its all happening so fast all of a sudden!

T-7 Days

This morning I woke up with pain in my left jaw from stress clenching my teeth all night.  I am definitely getting nervous about this operation.  (Actually I am not all that nervous about the operation itself, I'll be happily sedated for that portion!) I'm really getting worried about the recovery process and how rough the next 6 months- 1 year will be for my mouth/face/life.

I will meet with the surgeon for my pre-op appointment tomorrow.  Tom will be coming with me so that he can get all my post-op instructions and details on how he can/ will need to take care of me.  I truly have the best, most supportive husband, but it is downright terrifying to me to think that I will be completely dependent on others for 1-2 weeks.

Tomorrow the surgeon will go into detail of exactly how many times and in how many places will be breaking my jaw and realigning it to correct all its imbalances.  I have a good idea of what to expect, but I will find out in gross detail just how extensive this will be.  Also he promised me a computer simulation of what my face will look like post-surgery.  I have to admit this is pretty intimidating!  I try not to be vain, but its so weird to think that the face that has stared back at me in the mirror for 32 years will be different. I'm trying to believe that I'll still look largely like me, this isn't after all a cosmetic surgery, and the doc did promise to make everything look as aesthetically pleasing as possible. However it is a huge unknown and I'm a little nervous to see that image on the screen. 

So to sum it up, I have a empty pit in the middle of my stomach, when I think about tomorrow's appointment.... Wish me luck!



I'm still not very good with the selfies, but in case I forget later here are a couple "before" pics. 1/6/2015

Braces Adjustment

February 2014

I had my braces adjusted on Monday.  The Orthodontist popped off and reapplied a couple brackets and upped the wire strength on the bottom teeth.  Not too bad actually.  I'm back to eating soft foods, but not baby food... Thank goodness!

But every time I go back to the orthodontist or tell someone new why I have braces in my 30's, I start the whole anxiety spiral over the surgery all over again.  Its not just that I have a black hole in my calendar between September and January where I can't make plans (which IS really annoying!). Its more the thought of someone cutting up my face terrifies me and that I am voluntarily letting them.  Sure its for quality life, decreasing chronic pain, and ensuring that I have good nutrition by being able to chew food in the future... however this surgery is not like an emergency appendectomy where the doctors go to work and I am not sitting around anticipating it for 2 years.  

So as a habit, after I start getting anxious I scour the web to find someone who had had this same procedure and how they survived/thrived with it.  Most of the videos on youtube.com  that I find are done by ~17 yr old girls in the UK who had a severe under-bite, which is close to what I'm expecting but not quite my problem or my recovery path.  I found this one (below) today.  

The video is designed by an Australian surgeon, but the video is of a girl who has very, very similar bite occlusion and jaw pain as I do. And the positive results she seems to of found are reassuring. It reminds me as to the reasons that I am torturing myself (and draining my bank account)!  So if anyone reading this is wondering why I am doing all this work and willing putting up with all this discomfort check out the video:

PS. It also inspires me to do a video blog.  Don't worry I won't torture you all this far out, but I'll probably record a few pre- and post- surgery videos.